hard

When Sunday's sermons come from the grey SONY speakers and you still try to sing with all your heart. It's hard.

When it seems like it's easier to get a minister over to Africa than a tiny town called Cambridge in Nova Scotia. It's hard.

When you watch the sad tiredness of your elders who lead and pastor and this is not their job; no - they still work full time besides for their family. It's hard.

When you eat up the good food from the visiting pulpit supply because you really don't know when the next good meal will be. It's hard.

When the young man starts coming and the cancer is taking over and his heart is searching - where is the pastor? It's hard.

When the widow dies and who will be pastor to take care of it all? Not ours. It's hard.

When it's been two years of having a different voice almost every week and sometimes not knowing until Friday who it will be. It's hard.

When you think you've found the one. Yes. The love is there and the good fruit. But it is not to be? It's hard.

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

When you hear "and as your days, so shall your strength be."

And "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

And "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;"

It's all you can do, to pray 'Lord, move this from my head to my heart'.

And it's really, really hard.